"I’m ashamed of myself because I know I should be better and I have no idea how to get there."
I Don’t Know Where to Go From Here (#370: April 7, 2014)
that time of year is approaching
scary lawn decorations
terrifying tv programs
people in costumes going door to door
I’m distraught with myself, I’m disappointed and ashamed of my weight. I put more effort in to hiding under makeup than actually facing interpersonal problems. I wish I was asleep, all the time.
I put such a high value on what others think about me; and on queue someone will chime in with “why do you care?”
I care because I place such a low value on myself that when somebody- anybody says anything contradictory, I feel worth something.
"You’ve changed and you don’t see it. You aren’t who I used to know, and I don’t like the new you, but it’s done don’t sorry about it :)"
Let’s get something straight:
Nobody admires you for being anorexic,
That’s just the voice in your head.
They will not applaud you,
Or think of you as ‘controlled’, or
They will not envy you,
They do not see your slow suicide
Anorexia does not make you special,
Different or unique.
Your laughter, your passions,
Your smile, are why people love you.
They do not love anorexia,
They love you, and though the voice says
Without it you are nothing.
I promise, without anorexia
You are everything.
Recovery is a choice,
And it means you have to fight.
Eat, even when anorexia is screaming
At you to stop.
Recovery is learning,
That you are admirable without being thin,
That you are interesting without anorexia,
That you are worth more than a life
With a demon in your head, who
Wants to kill you.
You are perfect, and you do not
Need this disease, to make you
Feel worthy of life.
Please, do not
Put your trust in Anorexia Nervosa,
You are worth
So much more.
A reminder to all sufferers. (via rediscoveryandrecovery)
If someone has an eating disorder don’t ever comment on:
the kind of foods they’re eating
how much they’re eating of it
how quickly they eat it.
Adults complaining about the younger generation are really just saying their generation did a shitty job raising their kids.
I miss John Thiele.
Come home soon.
"I want to spend October with you, because it’s
my favorite month and happens during my
favorite season. I wish we could aimlessly
walk around a forest and with each leaf that
falls from the branches above, we fall a little
more for each other too. While hand in hand
we can crave the smell of warm coffee and
cinnamon muffins on a chilly morning, we
could feel the autumn breeze brush against
our skin and the goose bumps we get, we
won’t be able to tell if it’s from touching each
other’s skin or from the wind being too cool.
When we lay in bed you’d have the hardest
time moving an inch away from me, because
I’d want to be skin to skin every minute.
These lonely summer nights without you make
me crave the fall, and crave the season of
death in the hopes that maybe this loneliness
would die too, and you’d appear by my side.
I can’t tell if I love the night too dearly, or
hate it too passionately. I think I’d adore
it if I got to sleep next to you every evening,
and I think that I’d enjoy the sunset more
watching it hit your face than actually
seeing it say goodnight. I just crave to
spend time with you, I do."
Fire pits, hookahs, and cards against humanity, that’s what makes a great night.
"Men are natural warriors, but a woman in battle is truly bloodthirsty."
Old Scottish saying (via the-realm-of-naeranira)