When I can’t sleep I just keep re-thinking that being sick was an escape from the world and I miss that. I miss feeling weightless, effortless. Because even though that wasn’t happiness, it was better than this.
So much anxiety over school, work, money, and food.
It’s so frustrating because I’m doing the best I can, and it’s not good enough, but I can’t cut anything out of what I’m already doing. I know restricting isn’t helping, but I do it anyways because it’s taking the edge off and somehow makes things seem further away than they are.
a movie in which all the main characters are unknown actors but all the background characters are really famous actors
if your boyfriend doesn’t worship your butt then he’s a lame and i’m very sorry you have to deal with that
"I’m ashamed of myself because I know I should be better and I have no idea how to get there."
I Don’t Know Where to Go From Here (#370: April 7, 2014)
that time of year is approaching
scary lawn decorations
terrifying tv programs
people in costumes going door to door
I’m distraught with myself, I’m disappointed and ashamed of my weight. I put more effort in to hiding under makeup than actually facing interpersonal problems. I wish I was asleep, all the time.
I put such a high value on what others think about me; and on queue someone will chime in with “why do you care?”
I care because I place such a low value on myself that when somebody- anybody says anything contradictory, I feel worth something.
"You’ve changed and you don’t see it. You aren’t who I used to know, and I don’t like the new you, but it’s done don’t sorry about it :)"
Let’s get something straight:
Nobody admires you for being anorexic,
That’s just the voice in your head.
They will not applaud you,
Or think of you as ‘controlled’, or
They will not envy you,
They do not see your slow suicide
Anorexia does not make you special,
Different or unique.
Your laughter, your passions,
Your smile, are why people love you.
They do not love anorexia,
They love you, and though the voice says
Without it you are nothing.
I promise, without anorexia
You are everything.
Recovery is a choice,
And it means you have to fight.
Eat, even when anorexia is screaming
At you to stop.
Recovery is learning,
That you are admirable without being thin,
That you are interesting without anorexia,
That you are worth more than a life
With a demon in your head, who
Wants to kill you.
You are perfect, and you do not
Need this disease, to make you
Feel worthy of life.
Please, do not
Put your trust in Anorexia Nervosa,
You are worth
So much more.
A reminder to all sufferers. (via rediscoveryandrecovery)
If someone has an eating disorder don’t ever comment on:
the kind of foods they’re eating
how much they’re eating of it
how quickly they eat it.